After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
