He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize