I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
