I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
