but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
