Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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