Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
