Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I feel like a drive thru vagina
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
