hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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