In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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