Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Dicks are not precious.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
