Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
