this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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