Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
