stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
