I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
