if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
