forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
