I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
