Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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