What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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