the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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