I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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