So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
