You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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