So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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