I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
