We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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