Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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