The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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