what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
We need to rekindle our bromance
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
