right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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