I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Randomize
