I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
