using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
