this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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