i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
