i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
