don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
