yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
