Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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