I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
