he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
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