You work out of a Hotel?
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize