My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
