well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
