i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
