I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
