I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
