They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize