I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I need a beard to bite.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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