Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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