Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
