i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
