there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
