the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
