You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
