My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
