piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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